The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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