Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
