is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
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