Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
