I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
