I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
