Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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