everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My breasts were aching with rage.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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