he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
