I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
