I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
