Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
