i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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