I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
