uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
babies were throwing up all over the place
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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