If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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