he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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