I want to have your abortion
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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