Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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