I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
