I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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