no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
