I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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