PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
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