We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
