So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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