he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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