I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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