The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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