Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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