Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
