we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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