I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
