im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
