in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I have feelings that need drinking.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
