your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
