I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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