I wish I only lived at night.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
