brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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