he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
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