she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
