oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
