i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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