Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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