I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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