Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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