im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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