Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
