Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
