Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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