Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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