I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
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