So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
